Last night i decided that lounging in my grubby attic smoking cigarettes and watching trashy french tv was really not what i had envisioned for myself for my year abroad- so i decided to do something. I had been told that the local concert hall type place which is called the Athena was having a sort of opening night, perhaps to mark the start of the theatre season or something? I dolled my face up, backcombed my hair a bit, had a look in the mirror and thought "what will the french make of THIS" Satisfied, i set out alone.
When i got to the Athena, music beckoned me, and lights. I walked into a big sort of school hall. Families were sat round tables which were covered with nibbles and children were throwing baloons around and dancing. Everyone was sat in tight knit familial groups. There was no one else alone who might be engaged in conversation. I left.
Walking through the centre i found a fairly welcoming looking bar, so i decided to wander in. They didn't serve chocolat chaud as i requested, so i went for a rum and coke. Which was more than five euros. However they did just about fill my glass half up with spirit. There were a bunch of locals around the bar on stools chatting with the bar owner. Shy to intrude i went to smoke outside and sit on the chairs looking onto the street. Not a single person walked past. I mused on my isolation somewhat miserably as a melancholic spanish song played. Then things improved when the locals came out for a smoke and some manu chao started to play. They tentatively asked me where i was from and what i was doing, but soon went back to talking amongst themselves in rapid incomprehensible french.
Next, i set out drunkenly for another bar. That one drink was burning my empty stomach and had inebriated me quickly, alcohol in my veins and head.
The next bar i'd walked past many times and noted it's somewhat rowdy eccentric clientele. The door was locked but a man with dark straggly hair came to open it for me. When i entered i was faced by a bar full of pissed french men who turned to stare at me lecherously, but with big friendly smiles all the same. I wandered over to the bar tentativley and perched myself on a stool. The long haired barman asked me in a gruff voice what i wanted, looking at her closer i realised she was infact a very manly woman. On the bar was a giant glass fishbowl-cauldron filled with green liquid with some solids floating in it. I wondered if it was a mythical creature preserved in formaldyhyde, but she told me it was rum with bananas in it. oh right.
I went for another rum and coke and was allowed to smoke- a lock in! I chatted with a very drunk frenchman who told me he worked making something to do with cosmetics, and had recently moved to this town after divorcing his wife (he used to live in a nearby very similar small town).
The only other woman in the bar, a creased up, painted-up, rather mean face who eyed me with poorly concealed dislike. Probably cos her man was making eyes at me and i was beaming back. I didn't realise he was hers until she made a point of dancing against his bar stool and kissing him. He was frightfully ugly.
Then she jumped onto the platform and gave us all a sexy wriggling dance against the pole. I was quite tempted to have a spin round it myself after she left, but thought i should become more of a known face in the town before i started to make such an exhibition of myself on their territory.
After a game of table football, which i lost, i left. I think i shall return though. That cavern of drunkeness and debauchery and genuine human nature is the best place i've seen so far.
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Thursday, 22 September 2011
midnight cats and dogs
After having a little sob, bemoaning my misfortune at being isolated far from all i love, i got online and my boyfriend gave me a step-by-step detailed guide to cooking lentils and making something delicious. This was much welcomed, since i had planned to go to sleep in the afternoon without anything to eat, and perhaps fall further into my self pitying depression, and further my self destructive weight-loss anorexia plan.
Lentil preparation went well, and filled my little two-room flat with familiar smells. Three hours later it still stinks in here. I felt much better after eating, and after watching a little french TV, i decided to brace the outdoors and go for a lonesome midnight wander. I say midnight wander, i mean half past nine.
It is nice to have a night-time wandering partner, my lovely uni best friend Emily, or my lovely love in his furry coat, but alas, as in life sometimes one must go it alone. Outside my house is a discount supermarket, the car park was deserted and the only sound was the metallic rolling noise of the billboard automatically turning it's advertisements round and round.
I walked down the main road which leads to the town centre, and passed a few people, but all in all few signs of life, one could almost hear every little noise made echo around. I have misplaced my coat somewhere, and am pretty sure it ISN'T in the cinema where i went alone last evening, but i thought i would go and ask anyway, and also try and further the conversation by asking which films are showing tomorrow. The cinema is in an old white building and it's archways are framed in blue neon light which spreads an inviting glow into the street. There's quite a lot of neon scattered about this town, on shop fronts. One walks past shops and hears it buzzing like a fly trapped in a jar.
The man behind the counter was very professional, but friendly, but didn't try and enter into any further conversation other than answering my questions appropriately.
Next, i decended a cobbled street to the harbour, which looks much better at night than it does in the day. There's a stone wall with a ramp up it which was all uplit with yellow lights, and the lights of the cafes accross the water cast a bright reflection in the water. Those cafes are very expensive though, as i discovered on my first day here, when charged three euros for a very diminutive bottle of icetea.
I crossed over the bridge and decided to explore the other side of the harbour. I took a steep dark path, with the aim of reaching the attractive looking church which is uplit splendidly at night and can be seen glittering away on the hill invitingly from the other side of the harbour. The steep cobbled paths were a bit much for me and i was panting away desperately. When i got to the top i found the church to be very disappointing. It was surrounded by concrete and a car park. There was no creepy graveyard as i had hoped. I had planned to secret myself there and have a cigarette while basking in creepy isolation, surrounded by graves and twisty plants, but alas...
I continuted up a dimly lit narrow street, exploring what else is on the other side of the harbour up the hill, but alas it was all quite residential and closed-off to me. I spotted a beautiful playful little cat pouncing around playfully in the shadows and tried to make contact with it. She was friendly, and had her tail up in the air, and would roll on the ground a few meters away from me teasingly, but would jump up and run away if approached. I sat on the floor and she crept up to sniff my outstretched hand, but would come no closer. When i got up to pursue her, she darted away through a tiny square hole in a garden gate, which i was astonished that she squeezed through with ease. Her little disembodied face continued to watch me from a distance with playful curiosity poking out of the cat-hole in the gate. I tried to put my hand through the hole but she moved back to conceal herself. I peeked over the tall gate on tiptoes and saw her, just on the other side, teasing me. At this point, a girl turned the corner onto the street i was on, and i sheepishly decided to move on.
Walking further from home, the sound of strange insects chirruping in the warm night air, I came upon a car park with a couple of camper vans parked in it. It was clear they had inhabitants from the smell of warm buttered crepes which was emanating from them. Quite a sickly smell that turned my stomach a bit. There was a field with disinterested horses in who were munching grass and wouldn't approach me, and at the other end of the carpark, closed gates to what i hoped was a park. Alas, it was a cemetery. I peeked through the metal bars and saw big stone gravestones with Breton names twinkling on them in the starlight. The fence was too high to scale, and indeed, why would i want to sulk in a cemetery alone? While doing a circuit of the car-park, very much hoping that someone would peek their head out of a camper van and befriend me, and shatter my loneliness, i was suddenly shocked by a huge black dog walking towards me.
My first instinct was to stroke it, as with any animal, but then i saw the menace in it's slow, considered walk towards me. It didn't hesitate or flinch but looked at me with an almost human face as it approached. It was an enormous dog, a real hound of the baskerville's. it's eyes looked right into mine, and it let out the deepest most sinister growl, a low note of hate that echoed through the silence. I turned and walked calmly away, and when it was satisfied that i was going, it returned to one of the camper-vans. It stood on the other side of the van as i walked away sneaking peeks back, and though it was concealed, i could still see it's four enormous paws.
Voila, here i am. I feel content that i've managed to write something finally. Hopefully many more entries will follow that will be something i can look back on with interest, when i'm in happier more comfortable times.
Lentil preparation went well, and filled my little two-room flat with familiar smells. Three hours later it still stinks in here. I felt much better after eating, and after watching a little french TV, i decided to brace the outdoors and go for a lonesome midnight wander. I say midnight wander, i mean half past nine.
It is nice to have a night-time wandering partner, my lovely uni best friend Emily, or my lovely love in his furry coat, but alas, as in life sometimes one must go it alone. Outside my house is a discount supermarket, the car park was deserted and the only sound was the metallic rolling noise of the billboard automatically turning it's advertisements round and round.
I walked down the main road which leads to the town centre, and passed a few people, but all in all few signs of life, one could almost hear every little noise made echo around. I have misplaced my coat somewhere, and am pretty sure it ISN'T in the cinema where i went alone last evening, but i thought i would go and ask anyway, and also try and further the conversation by asking which films are showing tomorrow. The cinema is in an old white building and it's archways are framed in blue neon light which spreads an inviting glow into the street. There's quite a lot of neon scattered about this town, on shop fronts. One walks past shops and hears it buzzing like a fly trapped in a jar.
The man behind the counter was very professional, but friendly, but didn't try and enter into any further conversation other than answering my questions appropriately.
Next, i decended a cobbled street to the harbour, which looks much better at night than it does in the day. There's a stone wall with a ramp up it which was all uplit with yellow lights, and the lights of the cafes accross the water cast a bright reflection in the water. Those cafes are very expensive though, as i discovered on my first day here, when charged three euros for a very diminutive bottle of icetea.
I crossed over the bridge and decided to explore the other side of the harbour. I took a steep dark path, with the aim of reaching the attractive looking church which is uplit splendidly at night and can be seen glittering away on the hill invitingly from the other side of the harbour. The steep cobbled paths were a bit much for me and i was panting away desperately. When i got to the top i found the church to be very disappointing. It was surrounded by concrete and a car park. There was no creepy graveyard as i had hoped. I had planned to secret myself there and have a cigarette while basking in creepy isolation, surrounded by graves and twisty plants, but alas...
I continuted up a dimly lit narrow street, exploring what else is on the other side of the harbour up the hill, but alas it was all quite residential and closed-off to me. I spotted a beautiful playful little cat pouncing around playfully in the shadows and tried to make contact with it. She was friendly, and had her tail up in the air, and would roll on the ground a few meters away from me teasingly, but would jump up and run away if approached. I sat on the floor and she crept up to sniff my outstretched hand, but would come no closer. When i got up to pursue her, she darted away through a tiny square hole in a garden gate, which i was astonished that she squeezed through with ease. Her little disembodied face continued to watch me from a distance with playful curiosity poking out of the cat-hole in the gate. I tried to put my hand through the hole but she moved back to conceal herself. I peeked over the tall gate on tiptoes and saw her, just on the other side, teasing me. At this point, a girl turned the corner onto the street i was on, and i sheepishly decided to move on.
Walking further from home, the sound of strange insects chirruping in the warm night air, I came upon a car park with a couple of camper vans parked in it. It was clear they had inhabitants from the smell of warm buttered crepes which was emanating from them. Quite a sickly smell that turned my stomach a bit. There was a field with disinterested horses in who were munching grass and wouldn't approach me, and at the other end of the carpark, closed gates to what i hoped was a park. Alas, it was a cemetery. I peeked through the metal bars and saw big stone gravestones with Breton names twinkling on them in the starlight. The fence was too high to scale, and indeed, why would i want to sulk in a cemetery alone? While doing a circuit of the car-park, very much hoping that someone would peek their head out of a camper van and befriend me, and shatter my loneliness, i was suddenly shocked by a huge black dog walking towards me.
My first instinct was to stroke it, as with any animal, but then i saw the menace in it's slow, considered walk towards me. It didn't hesitate or flinch but looked at me with an almost human face as it approached. It was an enormous dog, a real hound of the baskerville's. it's eyes looked right into mine, and it let out the deepest most sinister growl, a low note of hate that echoed through the silence. I turned and walked calmly away, and when it was satisfied that i was going, it returned to one of the camper-vans. It stood on the other side of the van as i walked away sneaking peeks back, and though it was concealed, i could still see it's four enormous paws.
Voila, here i am. I feel content that i've managed to write something finally. Hopefully many more entries will follow that will be something i can look back on with interest, when i'm in happier more comfortable times.
Friday, 16 September 2011
Shut down toilets and cassini in the graveyard
T'other night me and my boyfriend went for a midnight ramble around Beauchief, since that is where he lives at the moment (well, until tomorrow.)
Stalking the streets by the light of the moon and the orange streetlamps is one of our favourite activities, as is stumbling about in the enchanted woods, scaring ourselves by imagining the innocent night-time forest-noises to be sinister.
We found some toilets which must have been shut down for two decades at least. We'd walked past them countless times but never noticed them since they are barred off by iron gates and down the end of an overgrown path. We hopped over the fence and went for an exploration. In the building vines were reaching down through holes in the roof, like electricity wires in an abandoned building. Any smell of urine had long since dissipated, however a toilet cubicle was still intact, as was ancient graffiti dating back to the eighties and early nineties. A museum worthy relic indeed, perhaps not having the gravitas of the berlin wall, but still... This wall had black marker-pen scribblings going into incredible details saying things like "meet me here on thursday at six thirty. I want you to wear your wig and make-up" and other such propostions from a time long gone. Was quite spooky to intrude on this relic of the past.
The other day, i had my "leaving do" and got nicely drunk with a bunch of people that i have collected along the way in this life. Some of them knew each other and others were meeting for the first time, but everyone seemed to get along pleasantly, and we ended up moving from the pub to a graveyard. This is not a creepy overgrown ancient graveyard, just a field in the middle of town, the church now converted into a university lecture theatre.
I was happy because i got to hang out with an old friend that i haven't seen for too long- my old friend Becky- red-haired and lovely and chirpy and sincere.
Tomorrow morning i wake up early and get the train to Manchester Airport- my next update shall be in a different country.
Stalking the streets by the light of the moon and the orange streetlamps is one of our favourite activities, as is stumbling about in the enchanted woods, scaring ourselves by imagining the innocent night-time forest-noises to be sinister.
We found some toilets which must have been shut down for two decades at least. We'd walked past them countless times but never noticed them since they are barred off by iron gates and down the end of an overgrown path. We hopped over the fence and went for an exploration. In the building vines were reaching down through holes in the roof, like electricity wires in an abandoned building. Any smell of urine had long since dissipated, however a toilet cubicle was still intact, as was ancient graffiti dating back to the eighties and early nineties. A museum worthy relic indeed, perhaps not having the gravitas of the berlin wall, but still... This wall had black marker-pen scribblings going into incredible details saying things like "meet me here on thursday at six thirty. I want you to wear your wig and make-up" and other such propostions from a time long gone. Was quite spooky to intrude on this relic of the past.
The other day, i had my "leaving do" and got nicely drunk with a bunch of people that i have collected along the way in this life. Some of them knew each other and others were meeting for the first time, but everyone seemed to get along pleasantly, and we ended up moving from the pub to a graveyard. This is not a creepy overgrown ancient graveyard, just a field in the middle of town, the church now converted into a university lecture theatre.
I was happy because i got to hang out with an old friend that i haven't seen for too long- my old friend Becky- red-haired and lovely and chirpy and sincere.
Tomorrow morning i wake up early and get the train to Manchester Airport- my next update shall be in a different country.
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
funereal downpoar and mossy woods
Today was a yuck-mood day. I felt anxious last night trapped in my dark attic with the wind whistling about malevolently outside, and took to frantically and somewhat obsessively searching things on the internet. I don't think i slept until after 5am. In the morning i lied in bed for ages and couldn't be bothered to get up since, despite the sunlight and wind filtering into my room, i felt the day had nothing to offer me. Sleep was far more inviting, and the marshmallow-soft comfort of the dream world.
The day didn't turn out too bad though, despite small clashes with the mother. I went over to my boyfriend's house. Which is really his mum's house where he is staying over the summer. Drank a cup of tea in the basement-living room on the comfy old-lady sofa that we got out of a skip for his mum. One of his mum's workmates was there, a young chatty girl who seemed in very cheeky and upbeat spirits, rather on a level i felt unable to connect with in my sombre mood.
After an hour or so of lazy procrastination, tea-drinking, internet-surfing and fag-breaks, my love was ready to go on the walk i had suggested. We got the naughty, mischievous, scampy little dogs, put them on leads and set off. No sooner had we got going than a great downpoar began, drenching us and sticking our hair to our heads. We were wearing big furry coats that became heavy with water.
We stopped off in a posh pub-hotel for a cup of coffee and walked in on a rather jolly funeral party, which was composed of men in black suits getting tipsy and little children skipping around with kitten-curious faces. We had our expensive coffee in a corner while we warmed up, and then continued our walk into the "enchanted woods"
The sun came out and shone on the leaves turning everything illuminated-green and full of hope. The woods smelled damp and mossy, earthy and deathful. It is the start of autumn and the leaves are beginning to fall, and winter is fighting against summer and is pre-destined to win.
We sat on a mossy wet log and had a cigarette while the dogs scampered around. I commented that the mood felt strange- like an impending break up, a sadness and nostalgia for past times combined with the knowledge of impending separation.
That's where i am at the moment.
The day didn't turn out too bad though, despite small clashes with the mother. I went over to my boyfriend's house. Which is really his mum's house where he is staying over the summer. Drank a cup of tea in the basement-living room on the comfy old-lady sofa that we got out of a skip for his mum. One of his mum's workmates was there, a young chatty girl who seemed in very cheeky and upbeat spirits, rather on a level i felt unable to connect with in my sombre mood.
After an hour or so of lazy procrastination, tea-drinking, internet-surfing and fag-breaks, my love was ready to go on the walk i had suggested. We got the naughty, mischievous, scampy little dogs, put them on leads and set off. No sooner had we got going than a great downpoar began, drenching us and sticking our hair to our heads. We were wearing big furry coats that became heavy with water.
We stopped off in a posh pub-hotel for a cup of coffee and walked in on a rather jolly funeral party, which was composed of men in black suits getting tipsy and little children skipping around with kitten-curious faces. We had our expensive coffee in a corner while we warmed up, and then continued our walk into the "enchanted woods"
The sun came out and shone on the leaves turning everything illuminated-green and full of hope. The woods smelled damp and mossy, earthy and deathful. It is the start of autumn and the leaves are beginning to fall, and winter is fighting against summer and is pre-destined to win.
We sat on a mossy wet log and had a cigarette while the dogs scampered around. I commented that the mood felt strange- like an impending break up, a sadness and nostalgia for past times combined with the knowledge of impending separation.
That's where i am at the moment.
Monday, 12 September 2011
Windy-Sunny Sheffield Hurricane Day
Miaow!
Today my cat-loving, kittenlicious blog begins. I'm not sure if i can put photos of kittens up. Not sure how the photos feature works, so if anyone would like to tell me that would be excellent.
Was thinking of starting a blog so certain friends can have a read of it when i go away to teach English in France, there is still a constant stream of connection, although in a sort of public-forum way. I think i should make a conscious effort not to say things about people who might not want their business discussed online. Although all the interesting things that happen to me generally relate to other people so that might be a bit tricky.
Today it was very windy. I think this might be to do with the beginnings of a hurricane brewing in Sheffield and the north of England in general. If this is the case, am not sure where it will be blowing next? Perhaps to whip up whirlpools over the sea, or to attack Russia?
Today i went to town and met up with two good friends, and drank mochas. Coffee with hot choccy in it. Was alright. Two pound five pee for a tiny little cup and the patterns in the froth wern't even symetrical. Maybe i should become a cafe reviewist? Become the most feared customer in Sheffield? Waiters rushing to please me so that i may write a favourable blog entry on their establishment? maaaaybe....
Then i went to sit on the hill in the park near my house with my boyfriend and one of his friends who had brough a guitar with him and a big bottle of cider. I don't really drink cider cos it tastes a bit gross and reminds me of an occasion when i got hysterically drunk and sick off it. It was all blue skied and windy with a nice view over the city, and the sun set on us through the branches of the trees. Was a very pretty scene. Cos it was so windy black crows were using the air currents to float about with an apparant joyfullness. Me and my boyfriend cuddled up in his big furry coat and his friend played nice sounds on the guitar which floated away on the wind. Very lovely...
This time next week i will be in france and far away from here :S
the wiggly line face of mixed feelings...
Today my cat-loving, kittenlicious blog begins. I'm not sure if i can put photos of kittens up. Not sure how the photos feature works, so if anyone would like to tell me that would be excellent.
Was thinking of starting a blog so certain friends can have a read of it when i go away to teach English in France, there is still a constant stream of connection, although in a sort of public-forum way. I think i should make a conscious effort not to say things about people who might not want their business discussed online. Although all the interesting things that happen to me generally relate to other people so that might be a bit tricky.
Today it was very windy. I think this might be to do with the beginnings of a hurricane brewing in Sheffield and the north of England in general. If this is the case, am not sure where it will be blowing next? Perhaps to whip up whirlpools over the sea, or to attack Russia?
Today i went to town and met up with two good friends, and drank mochas. Coffee with hot choccy in it. Was alright. Two pound five pee for a tiny little cup and the patterns in the froth wern't even symetrical. Maybe i should become a cafe reviewist? Become the most feared customer in Sheffield? Waiters rushing to please me so that i may write a favourable blog entry on their establishment? maaaaybe....
Then i went to sit on the hill in the park near my house with my boyfriend and one of his friends who had brough a guitar with him and a big bottle of cider. I don't really drink cider cos it tastes a bit gross and reminds me of an occasion when i got hysterically drunk and sick off it. It was all blue skied and windy with a nice view over the city, and the sun set on us through the branches of the trees. Was a very pretty scene. Cos it was so windy black crows were using the air currents to float about with an apparant joyfullness. Me and my boyfriend cuddled up in his big furry coat and his friend played nice sounds on the guitar which floated away on the wind. Very lovely...
This time next week i will be in france and far away from here :S
the wiggly line face of mixed feelings...
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