These sorts of things are always controversial- let this not end up with barely concealed vitriol being spat around like venom, as it did the other night...
At Deni's there was a discussion about to what extent males and females differ in their behaviour due to hormonal and biological differences. K seemed to angrily deny and reject all of Deni's viewpoints...
Of course we do not want to be limited by our biological sex, but it is impossible to deny that males and female humans are slaves to their biology, and a conscious will must be exerted to overcome our instincts; just watch testosterone-fuelled gaggles of men leaving the football stadium after a match. More men murder and commit violent acts. Female violence tends to be driven by jealous rage- competition for the same man, and the killing methods more calculated and sneaky, or else an outburst following years of patriarchal repression- the murder of a cruel father, or an abusive husband. But even this is rare in comparison to male violence. War and so-called terrorist acts are almost always carried out and instigated by men, are they not?
Deni was saying that she is more wary of being joky and flippant with women, at the pub for example, than she would be with men. Women are more likely to perceive insult or sleight, men see the attention as teasing or flirtation, part of the game of love.
K denied this, said it was Deni's prejudices or years of living within a patriarchal and oppressive society warping her perception. She claimed she is wrong to treat men and women so differently or to have so different expectations of both sexes- but expectation is bred from experience is it not?
In the more progressive world... hippies on shrooms... 'we're are equal and love one another' etc, it is all perhaps slightly foggier, and one may feel certain that differences don't exist, or are else just like some gross fungus infecting mainstream society, which with enlightenment, can easily be purged.
In less-enlightened groups you can see competition for mating just as though it was a nature documentary, and it may be amusing to overlay a David Attenborough narration over a brawl outside a pub- fist-fights over a woman. Here the animal instincts are clear. But even among the more sophisticated our species, you can see less-obviously attractive men winning over women with more subtle beguilement- charm, humour, gentle suggestiveness "Come back to mine to share a bottle of wine?" etc. This is perhaps the same as the sneaky, intelligent, but less weighty chimp, that mates with the Alpha-female while the Alpha is distracted. Is that a really horrible way to look at people? It seems impossible not to.
For years I thought- I will just behave as though I was a man within the mysterious twin realms of dating and love. Why should I put up a "chase" or pretend to feel other than I do. If I want someone, they will know about it. I'm a modern woman. I even hate the word woman. I'm a human being, and I'm not defined by having a womb. But this seems to not be working so well. The ones I reject out of disinterest become beguiled by me, and the ones I am attracted to become disinterested by my availability and willingness. Must love really therefore be an act and a game? Some bitter, erotic play on the stage of life?
All this said, I resent this so much. I do not want to be defined by being female, yet it seems I am whether I choose it or not. It has only brought me the raw end of the deal in terms of this "human experience." Less respect, fewer economic prospects, and the main-caregiver role was assigned to me without so much as a discussion, it was just how the world works. Were I a father, my life would not have been so completely hijacked by the "wonderful, enriching" duties of child-rearing. But perhaps motherhood is the ultimate privilege of women, you say? No- more privileged is to have your child lovingly raised by someone else while you are free to pursue your own dreams, and dip your toes in the parent-experience when it takes your fancy. I have no "I" that is not intrinsically bound to my children.
So, yes, I would rather our culture led us to develop a more gender-equal society, where one's life-expectations were not so clearly mapped out from those first baby-days, when relatives come to the hospital and exclaim "A girl! How lovely!" and unknowing, mewling little baby with thrashing arms, is straighjacketed into a little pink babygrow with "little princess" emblazoned in glitter letters on the front. Know your place little pretty one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RD9xK9smth4
